


mojo get (how jin got his groove back)

by thunderylee



Category: Arashi (Band), Japanese Actor RPF, KAT-TUN (Band), Kanjani8 (Band), KinKi Kids, NewS (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, jinnifer, side kamepi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-24
Updated: 2008-06-24
Packaged: 2019-02-05 05:16:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12787803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: FiveSevenTen times Jinnifer gets denied and one time she’s entirely left out.





	mojo get (how jin got his groove back)

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

> ###  **Prelude**

“I think you’ve lost it,” Yamapi comments, cracking open a beer and leaning back in his favorite recliner.

Jin blows his bangs out of his face as he stands there in his Dragonball Z pajamas, the rest of his hair tied up on top of his head and zit cream in sporadic portions of his face. “My mind?” he asks, flopping down on the couch and flipping through the latest tabloid. “That’s been gone for awhile.” He belches.

“Your sex appeal,” Yamapi clarifies, hiding a smile.

The magazine falls from Jin’s hands as he tenses and stares at his roommate in disbelief. “My what.”

“You’re not sexy anymore,” Yamapi says casually. “You’ve lost it, the… what does that hairy British guy call it?”

“Mojo,” Jin supplies. “And it’s Austin Powers.”

“Whoever,” says Yamapi. “He’s sexier than you right now.”

Jin fumes. No way was the hairy British guy sexier than him. He sets his jaw and folds his arms, delivering a very nasty glare to the back of Yamapi’s head.

“In fact,” Yamapi goes on. “ _Kame_ is sexier than you right now.”

An undignified squeak escapes past Jin’s lips. That’s it, time to bring out the big guns.

> ###  **Take One**

Jin – or rather, Jin _nifer_ – contemplates his group as he puts the finishing touches on his makeup. Who’s the hottest in KAT-TUN? That’s easy – him! After him, though… definitely not Kame. But Kame would be the biggest challenge. Junno’s too annoying, Koki’s all talk and no game, and Nakamaru and Ueda are scared of girls. Kame it is.

He shows up at Kame’s apartment in full gear, the pretty flowered dress falling almost to his knees because Kame likes that wholesome look. Not that Jin would know or anything – what happens in Junior Camp stays in Junior Camp! Passing over that, Kame’s always had a weak spot for Jinnifer and will probably drop to his knees the minute he opens the door, proving that his mojo is just fine, thank you very much, and then he can go home and throw it in stupid Yamapi’s face.

When Kame opens the door, he really does almost fall to the ground, but it’s from laughing. “I don’t need any girl scout cookies, thanks,” he says through his gasps for air.

Jin pouts and drapes himself in the doorway, giving Kame a nice view of his ass. “Don’t you like me anymore?”

Kame blinks. “I liked you in the first place?”

Frowning, Jin steps forward and fingers the collar of Kame’s shirt. “Don’t you want me?”

Shrugging out of his grasp, Kame gently pushes him out into the hallway, offering a salute before the door is closed in his face.

Jin huffs all the way back home.

> ###  **Takes Two & Three**

_Fuck_ KT-TUN, man. They wouldn’t know sexy if it fell from the top of Tokyo Dome and exploded into sparkles all over their ugly faces. Jin completely blames them for the loss of his mojo, by the way, their unsexiness that rubbed off onto him and left him helpless.

Yamapi’s group, now those are the ones who sing about naked rendezvous and making someone come so hard that they’re about to break. Clearly NewS has the sexy this year. The question is – who’s the sexiest of them all? It’s a toss between Ryo and Tegoshi, and the last time Ryo saw “Jinnifer” he nearly asphyxiated on his hysterics. As tempting as that is, Jin needs a sure thing. Sweet, innocent, _virgin_ Tegoshi would probably jump at the chance to be with someone as hot as him.

Only Tegoshi and Katou are in the practice room when Jin arrives, this time in a leather skirt, halter top, and leather fuck-me boots with his wig teased out and hairsprayed like a tall 80s harlot. He’s risking a lot coming to work like this, but he knows how to sneak around this place and plans on making it quick and dirty so that he can get out before Yamapi arrives. “Tegoshi-kun,” he purrs.

Katou chokes on his candy and hides his violated eyes behind his textbook while Tegoshi spins around and greets Jin with a big smile. “Akanishi-kun! Is it dress-up day?”

Jin shakes his head slowly, putting one foot in front of the other to tower over the unsuspecting youngest. “I’m Jinnifer,” he says quietly, reaching out to cup Tegoshi’s jaw. “Nice to meet you.”

Tegoshi blinks. “Does Akanishi-kun have multiple-personality disorder? I’m studying that in school right now. Can I bring you in as a guest speaker? You can even dress like that. My class is very accepting.”

Jin stomps his foot. “I’m sexy, dammit!”

“Of course you are!” Tegoshi says, nodding rapidly. “Both of you are very sexy, yeah?”

Jin wishes the wall wasn’t so far away so that he can bang his head against it. His eyes flick over to Katou, who looks like a decent backup plan judging by the way he’s cowering on the couch, but Katou just shakes his head and hides a smile. “Sorry, leather doesn’t do it for me. The slut look is more Tegoshi’s style.”

“How fascinating,” Tegoshi goes on, his eyes growing wide as he peers closer at Jin’s face. “A second personality that seeks affection as the opposite sex. Perhaps Akanishi-kun isn’t getting this kind of affection as himself, and his psyche is crying out for someone to love him already!”

It’s really hard to run in fuck-me boots, and Katou’s laughter rings in his ears long after he’s left the building.

> ###  **Takes Four & Five**

There is no way that Yamapi can be right, there just isn’t! Jin hops the train to Osaka without a second thought, entirely incognito complete with big-framed glasses and widow’s veil. He’s got on a decent-looking trenchcoat for the commute but don’t get the wrong idea, there’s a slutty dress under it, ready for a night of clubbing and debauching of Osaka’s finest.

When Ryo doesn’t recognize him, his hopes rise considerably. Ryo also doesn’t seem interested, but lucky for him he’s not here for Ryo. He sees his prey on the dance floor, not exactly dancing together but not dancing _apart_ either, which is only not gay because they’re in Kanjani8. When you’ve sucked face with your bandmates on TV, dancing together becomes something of a normalcy.

Ohkura sees him first, a knowing smirk tilting his lips as he nudges Murakami and points in his direction. Murakami licks his lips, nods at Ohkura, and lifts his head towards Jin in the universal sign of invitation. Jin slips between them easily, Ohkura’s naughty eyes in front of him and Murakami’s muscled body behind him. They grind for a couple songs, enough to get sweaty and worked up, then Ohkura takes a step back and beckons them with one finger.

Jin follows him out the backdoor into the alley, the cool air hitting his face as Murakami leads him over to the fire escape. Ohkura cushions him from the wall as he’s shoved towards it, Ohkura’s mouth immediately latching onto his neck as four hands roam his body and touch him everywhere but where he wants to be touched, distracting enough that he doesn’t notice his arms being raised until he hears the very distinct clank of metal.

Moving his hands proves useless, and ordinarily Jin would laugh at the fuzzy pink handcuffs because it matches his outfit, except that the touches have left him and he hears snickers that fade with distance.

“Oi!” he screams, not even trying to disguise his voice as the cuffs bang against the fire escape in his futile attempt to go after them. “What the fuck?”

“This is what we do to skanks in Osaka,” Ohkura says very matter-of-factly, keeping a straight face until Murakami cracks and pulls Ohkura back through the door.

It’s not surprising that Ryo runs out five minutes later, snaps a picture on his cell phone and races back inside without another word.

What is surprising is that Jin’s actually _upset_.

> ###  **Interlude**

“You can stop laughing now,” Jin mumbles dejectedly.

Yamapi leans back in the driver’s seat, resting his hand on the wheel and biting his cheeks to stop the continuous stream of laughter that started the minute he arrived to save Jin. “That was so worth driving all the way to Osaka for,” he manages to get out before a fresh wave of laughter starts and Jin contemplates jumping out of the car on the next bridge.

> ###  **Take Six**

This whole thing started because Jin is supposedly not sexy anymore, and being that 99.997% of his fanbase is female, it only makes sense that his next conquest is the only girl that Jin knows well enough to share this part of himself with.

Leah’s not surprised – being an American deep under the facade, it doesn’t take much – and certainly doesn’t laugh at him, which Jin takes as a good sign. She’s also drunk and practically laying on the bar where he knew she would be, flashing some ass in her short shorts to keep the drinks coming.

“My friend!” Leah shrieks in her bad Japanese, wrapping an arm around Jin’s neck and pulling him toward the hoard of guys who were fawning over her. They immediately disperse and leave her be, giggling into Jin’s collar and pulling away enough to stare up at him with big eyes. “You saved my _life_.”

Jin nods happily. He likes her, if only because she’s dumber than he is.

“Good job!” Leah says in English, fingering Jin’s curls and scrutinizing his makeup. “A little too much lipstick, though. Pick one to accentuate, either your eyes or your lips, not both. Or you look like a whore.” She nods like she knows what she’s talking about.

All Jin does is grin stupidly because Leah’s touching his face.

“I want to braid your hair. Can I braid your hair?” Leah asks excitedly, pulling Jin down onto the bar stool and taking strands of his wig in her fingers before he can even think about responding. “It feels so real! Definitely not that horse’s hair shit they weaved me with. Mr. Johnny must only get the highest quality stuff, yeah?”

Jin blinks and wonders when he acquired a best girlfriend. “But I’m sexy, right?”

“Slutty, sure,” Leah says distractedly, frowning at which piece of hair goes into the braid next.

“ _Sexy_ ,” he clarifies.

“You’re cute,” Leah replies, petting him on the head and giving up on the complicated braid. “It feels like you’re my big sister. Oneechan!”

Jin closes his eyes so that he can roll them and not be rude. When he opens them, he sets his jaw determinedly and leans in to show her what sexy really is.

She squeals and gently pushes him back, giggling. “Don’t do that while you’re a _girl_ ,” she hisses. “You’re going to give me a reputation!”

Jin privately thinks that it would be an improvement, but keeps his mouth shut.

> ###  **Takes Seven, Eight, Nine, and Nine-and-a-Half**

Arashi usually keep to their own, but Jin’s running out of options and Aiba is the slutti- er, _friendliest_ person he knows. Aiba also fully understands sexy, at least anyone who’s had a sex scandal should in Jin’s opinion.

He waits in the senpai wing bathroom when he knows Arashi takes their morning break, once again throwing caution to the wind and Jinnifer-izing at work. But, well, it’s the _senpai_ wing and they’ve certainly done a lot worse in their time.

Just his luck, it’s not Aiba who trots through the door first but ugly MatsuJun, who laughs so hard that two more follow behind him, neither of whom tall and animal-loving.

“Nino makes a prettier girl than you,” MatsuJun spits, shoving past him to use the urinal.

“I feel like I should be offended,” Nino says, tilting his head in thought. “But you really are an ugly girl.”

Ohno just stares at Jin’s chest like he’s trying to figure out if they’re real or not. Or because he’s hungry, Jin’s not sure.

“I’m waiting for Aiba-chan,” Jin says in his girl voice, wondering if the whole multiple-personality thing would work on these three.

Jun laughs so hard that he almost decorates the wall. “Aiba-chan won’t want anything to do with you. He likes his girls dickless.”

“Aiba-chan _loves_ the vagina,” Nino reiterates, checking out his mole in the mirror.

Ohno makes a face at the disgusting word.

Jin sighs, folding his arms irritably and biting back his supreme loathing as he forces a smile and strikes a pose. “But you guys don’t.”

A laugh sounds from behind him, and MatsuJun swirls around with his pants still undone. “If you want to suck me off, Akanishi, go right ahead.”

Nino rushes to cover Ohno’s eyes and whispers soothing things in his ear.

Jin wonders if this is how girls feel, that “degrading” feeling that they’re always going on about. Then he remembers that it’s MatsuJun and sticks up his nose. “I wouldn’t suck you off with someone else’s mouth.”

Nino cringes at the bad comeback and looks grateful that Ohno can’t hear it.

Huffing, Jin goes to exit the bathroom, only to hear “this totally counts as being denied by all four of us, probably Sho too!” called out after him in MatsuJun’s annoying voice.

Inwardly, he agrees to compromise.

> ###  **Take Ten**

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Jin poses next to the sleek red car, carefully as to not get any fingerprints on it as he fluffs his wig and pouts his lips in preparation for the owner’s arrival.

Domoto Koichi stops dead in his tracks. “You have _got_ to be fucking kidding me.”

> ###  **And the inevitable conclusion… (Postlude)**

Jin’s close to tears, kicking everything in his path on the way home because these heels are _killing_ him, and luckily there aren’t any puppies because he probably would have kicked them too. Certainly not _all_ of JE can be unknowing of the sexy, leading him to finally admit defeat and resort himself to a long, unsatisfying life without his mojo.

He kicks the door when he gets there, because – _fuck_ , forgot the keys. He bangs but nobody hears him, Yamapi’s got the music cranked up and probably wouldn’t notice a nuclear explosion with the Bose system Jin just bought. He’s probably _cleaning_ , the loser. If Jin really did lose his mojo, he’s blaming it on this domesticated motherfucker he’s been living with for almost a year.

Nothing else to do but climb the fire escape, bringing back embarrassing memories of Osaka which are thankfully – or not- pushed aside in favor of trying to climb _anything_ in three-inch heels. The Yuukan Club couldn’t make this possible, he thinks bitterly as he makes an insane amount of noise that would wake the neighborhood if it wasn’t five in the afternoon.

Miraculously he reaches his apartment, where the curtains are drawn wide because this side faces the west and sometimes Jin and Yamapi like to watch the sunset from the comfort of their own couch. Jin flies to the window and squishes against it like Garfield, knocking madly at the two people inside who don’t appear to notice his presence at all.

Since when did Kame come over anyway? Jin doesn’t think he’s seen Kame step foot in their apartment since that intragroup party Koyama insisted they have, which completely blew their deposit because of this dubious stain in the carpet that Yamapi just can’t seem to get out.

Finally, _finally_ Kame looks towards the window, and Jin waves madly like they wouldn’t see his ass blocking the sun. He has to look like shit by now, his wig is halfway falling off of his head and his makeup is probably fucked, but he doesn’t care because he’s home and Kame’s going to let him in and Jin’s going to take a nice warm bath and eat a gallon of ice cream and watch Boyz in the Hood because he’s depressed.

Instead of moving closer, however, Kame steps back and nudges Yamapi, who meets Jin’s eyes with the most malicious, hurtful look Jin’s ever seen grace his face. In the next second, Kame’s yanked by his tie and they’re kissing, Jin’s wave dying and sliding down the window along with his person. Kame and Yamapi are kissing; _Kame_ and _Yamapi_ are _kissing_. And Jin is locked outside.

Jin’s not sure what he did for the world to be so cruel to him. Watching Yamapi kiss another man who’s not him – _Kame_ of all people, Jesus – is worse than a slap in the face. It’s like a giant cock up the ass without lube or even the courtesy of a reach-around.

Even worse, his body is starting to react to watching them. It’s a little known fact that it’s very uncomfortable to have an erection in a thong, especially while kneeling, and that seems to justify the tears streaming down Jin’s face and the way he’s grabbing at the window like his will alone can make it open.

_“In fact, Kame is sexier than you right now.”_

Jin has to admit that Yamapi has a point, seeing with his own eyes how Kame lowers Yamapi to the couch and slowly moves against him, just enough to make Yamapi squirm and kiss him harder. Jin _taught_ Kame how to roll his hips, dammit. He couldn’t even do it right before Jin took the time to work with him. Ueda and Nakamaru can thank him for that too, even though sometimes he doesn’t want to claim responsibility for those two.

He tries to close his eyes, to think of something else, but he can’t look away. It’s like he’s drawn to them, Kame’s paleness against Yamapi’s darkness, the way their bodies slide together as more and more of them are exposed.

As the sun disappears into the horizon, Kame and Yamapi have sex on his couch – _his_ couch – right in front of him, and when it’s evident that Yamapi’s going to let Kame top him, Jin considers the nine-story fall to the ground.

The only reason he stays is because they would find him looking like _this_ and think that ten years in JE hasn’t taught him anything.

> ###  **You didn’t really think I’d end it like that, did you?**

Jin wakes to the sun shining, birds chirping, and coffee brewing – only in the Pin Palace does morning occur at one in the afternoon. He drank a little too much last night after the bastards finally let him in, at which time there was a spectacular escapade that involved Jin screaming and throwing things and maybe spitting in Kame’s face.

Practice is going to _suck_ tomorrow.

His head hurts so badly that he doesn’t want to move, but he has to because his bladder beckons and so does his dog. Pin, to her credit, waits until her master is awake before showering his face with kisses and doggie drool, and as much as he loves her that’s not exactly what he wants to breathe in right now.

“I’m sexy, right?” he asks.

Pin barks and jumps on his nuts, which Jin takes to mean a yes. She is a girl, after all.

After doing the bathroom thing and cringing at the state of his hair, Jin trudges into the living room and blatantly ignores Yamapi as he makes his coffee and grabs a couple pieces of bread for breakfast. Entirely too emo for toast.

“‘Morning,” Yamapi chirps, sounding just like someone who got laid last night. _On Jin’s couch_.

Jin says nothing, slamming a cabinet for effect even though he hadn’t needed to open one and stuffing the bread in his mouth before retreating back to his room. Where he also slams the door.

Good thing their lease is up soon.

For the next couple days, Jin mopes through life. Ueda gives him a halfhearted lecture because deep down he thinks it’s hilarious that Jin spat in Kame’s face and knows that Kame probably deserved it, but he has to play leader _sometimes_ and therefore make it look like he’s reprimanding Jin when really he wants to take him out for ramen.

Kame does nothing out of the ordinary, because Kame is better than Jin in every aspect of life and that includes lowering himself to Jin’s level to make so much as a comment. He even offers Jin a white chocolate macadamia nut cookie when he comes back from Subway on their lunch break, which makes him automatically forgiven in Jin’s book.

Yamapi is a different matter. They’re existing like two strangers forced to live together, much like the horror Jin had to endure when KAT-TUN was first formed, and he never wants to live through that again. He stays over at Ueda’s a lot because Ueda doesn’t gossip and pretends to pay attention when Jin whines about how his life is so _hard_.

The show must go on and Jin continues to do his best, leaving out the extra-slutty moves because nobody really wants to see them. When he licks his lips, it’s because they’re really dry, and when he rolls his hips, it’s because it’s part of the choreography. He smiles a lot and sings his lines properly, and when it’s all over, Manager-san tells him it’s the best he’s ever performed.

Even if he can’t be sexy anymore, he’ll still at least be talented.

It’s a week before they have to give their thirty-day notice when Jin speaks to Yamapi again, although it’s only because there’s a new couch in the middle of their living room and Jin doesn’t remember buying it.

“New couch,” Yamapi says, pointing at it with both hands like Jin wouldn’t see it.

Jin grunts, which is the only sound that’s been directed towards Yamapi for almost a month. He wants to say that it’s ugly, he wants to ask where his goddamn couch is, but he knows that Yamapi’s trying to make it right by throwing away the Kame-tainted couch that Jin refuses to sit on anymore and starting fresh.

He starts to turn and head down the hallway to his room, where he’s been spending entirely too much time lately, but strong arms wrap around him and Yamapi’s face is in his hair.

“Wha-” he starts, falling silent because he already knows. He can tell from the way Yamapi’s clinging to him, using all of his strength to keep Jin from leaving both now and later.

“I’m sorry,” Yamapi mumbles. “Don’t leave me.”

Jin breathes deeply, his mind clear for the first time in ages. “I know why you did it,” he whispers, one hand rising to cover Yamapi’s. “I’ve gotten nothing but praise since I lost my mojo -”

Yamapi’s laughter cuts him off. “You never had it,” he says quietly. “You don’t _need_ it.”

The corners of Jin’s lips curl up into a smile. “Does that mean I’m still sexy?”

“Baby,” Yamapi says, lowering his arms to encircle Jin’s waist. “You’re sexier now than you’ve ever been.”

Jin catches a glimpse of them in the hallway mirror, his hair flat and dingy with a ratty T-shirt and shiny T-zone, tortoise-shell glasses bridged on his large nose, and wholeheartedly agrees.


End file.
